I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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