i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
