Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize