I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize