Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
