Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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