sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
