Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
