so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
