Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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