suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
