Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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