Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
