your parents love me but you hate me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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