Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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