You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
