I want to walk on stilts...naked
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize