We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
