I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
