New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize