guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
