I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You don't make any sense
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