you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize