She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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