remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
