I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
