she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
