Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
