bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
