he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize