I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
