she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize