im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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