hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it fun? or sober?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
