let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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