You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
