I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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