The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
