Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
