Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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