420 ftw
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
