I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
