ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
