I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
