When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
