TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
