just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
