I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
