yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
