3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your dad touched me again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
