So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
