So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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