I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
