My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize