WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
