Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
