you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
