I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize