She announced her abortion via fbk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We just shotgunned beers for America
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize