Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
