i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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