I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
