A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
