Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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