Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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