the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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