I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
