walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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